I Didn’t Lose My Faith. I Expanded My Language.

How curiosity, self-inquiry, and soul-led frameworks helped me feel at home in myself

One of the greatest gifts I gave myself this past year was something surprisingly simple.

Permission.

Permission to explore.
Permission to question.
Permission to be curious without needing to land anywhere definitive.

That last part was the hardest.

For most of my life, I believed that curiosity needed a conclusion. That exploration had to end in certainty. That questioning meant you were doing something wrong.

What I didn’t realize then was that giving myself permission wouldn’t create confusion or chaos.
It would create clarity.
And eventually, alignment.

When Something Never Quite Clicks

I grew up going to church most Sundays. And while I deeply respect the role religion plays in many people’s lives, I never quite felt fully seen there.

I often felt like I was trying to fit myself into a framework that didn’t quite have the language for how my mind works or how my nervous system responds to the world.

For a long time, I assumed that discomfort was something to push through. That if I just tried harder, believed differently, or showed up more consistently, it would eventually click.

It never really did.

Looking back, I can see how often I mistook misalignment for personal failure. I didn’t yet understand that permission to question isn’t rebellion. It’s discernment.

What Changed Everything

What shifted things wasn’t rejecting anything I had learned. It was allowing myself to expand.

I gave myself permission to explore different subjects, frameworks, and modalities that helped me understand myself on a deeper level.

And something unexpected happened.

I felt more comfortable in my own skin than I ever had before.

Not more certain.
Not more “fixed.”
More at ease.

Permission didn’t pull me away from myself. It brought me closer.

This Isn’t About Rejecting Religion

I want to be clear about something.

This isn’t a rejection of religion. It’s an acknowledgment that for me, one lens was never enough.

I needed more context.
More nuance.
More ways to understand why I process stress, ambition, emotion, and intuition the way that I do.

That curiosity led me to human design, astrology, and the Gene Keys.

None of these replaced anything.
They added something.

Each offered language for patterns I could already feel but couldn’t quite explain. Each helped me relate to myself with more compassion and less judgment.

Permission didn’t fragment my identity. It integrated it.

Why Kabbalah Landed Differently

Recently, I was introduced to Kabbalah. And one concept, in particular, stopped me in my tracks.

What struck me wasn’t the spirituality itself, but how accurately it described patterns I could already see playing out in my body, my work, and my health.

At its core, Kabbalah is an ancient spiritual framework that explores the relationship between the physical world and the soul’s evolution. It’s less about rules and rituals and more about awareness, responsibility, and intention.

Kabbalah teaches that nothing in our lives is random. Every experience, every challenge, every moment of joy or discomfort is information.

And that includes the moments when something feels off.

Rethinking the Ego

One of the most impactful ideas in Kabbalah is the distinction between ego and soul.

If you’re anything like me, the word ego probably comes with baggage.

We tend to associate ego with arrogance or self-importance. And while that can be true, Kabbalah offers a more nuanced perspective.

Operating from ego isn’t just about wanting attention. It’s about urgency. Instant gratification. The desire to feel better right now.

Ego asks:

How can I soothe this discomfort immediately?
What will make this easier in the moment?
What benefits me right now?

There’s no pause. No consideration for long-term consequences. No awareness of how short-term relief can quietly create long-term chaos.

And I see this pattern everywhere.

In burnout.
In overworking.
In self-sacrifice disguised as ambition.
In numbing behaviors that promise relief but never deliver peace.

What It Means to Operate From Soul

Operating from soul feels different.

It’s quieter.
Slower.
Less reactive.

Soul-led choices are rooted in integrity and long-term alignment, not immediate comfort.

Soul asks different questions:

What choice aligns with who I want to become?
What creates sustainable good, not just temporary relief?
How can I act with intention, even when it’s uncomfortable?

This isn’t about perfection or bypassing desire. It’s about being willing to sit with nuance. To choose nourishment over numbing. Alignment over approval. Truth over convenience.

And here’s the part that matters most to me:

Operating from soul isn’t about becoming someone else.
It’s about becoming more yourself.

Why This Matters More Than Ever

I’m sharing this because I see the cost of ego-led urgency every day.

I see it in high-achieving women who are exhausted but still pushing. In capable, intelligent women whose bodies are breaking down under the weight of over-functioning. In stress-related illness, chronic depletion, and a quiet sense of misalignment that no amount of success seems to fix.

At the heart of my work is a belief I return to again and again:

Your body, your energy, and your intuition are not problems to fix.
They are information to listen to.

So many women don’t need another rulebook. They don’t need to try harder or optimize more.

They need permission.

Permission to question what they inherited.
Permission to define success on their own terms.
Permission to trust that nothing is wrong with them. They just haven’t been given the language yet.

The Work I Care About Holding

What I’ve come to understand is that permission isn’t passive. It’s an active choice.

Choosing to explore different frameworks didn’t dilute my truth. It clarified it. It helped me recognize when I was operating from ego’s urgency instead of the soul’s steadiness.

That distinction matters.

Because the way we make decisions shapes our health, our relationships, and how we move through the world.

This is why my work centers on alignment rather than optimization. On awareness rather than control. On helping women understand what their bodies, energy, and instincts are already communicating.

Not so they can become someone new.
But so they can stop abandoning who they already are.

And perhaps most importantly, so they can finally give themselves the permission they’ve been waiting for.