Fitting Out Is the New Fitting In: Why Thriving Sometimes Means Breaking the Rules

Lately, I’ve been noticing how often we try to squeeze ourselves into spaces that were never really made for us. Not just socially, but in how we eat, move, work and live.

And the harder we try to “fit in” the more disconnected we feel.

We’re taught that if we just stay in our lane, keep our heads down and work harder, we’ll eventually feel like we belong. But what if the reason it never quite clicks…is because we’re not meant to fit in?

What if we’re here to fit out?

Living on the Edge (And Starting to See the Gift in It)

Being on the outside can feel strange at first, like maybe you missed a memo or everyone else got the handbook but you. But over time, something shifts. You realize the view from here is actually clearer. And that edge you’re standing on? It’s not a sign you’re doing life wrong — it might be the exact place where something more aligned begins.

If you’ve ever felt like you think a little differently, live a little differently or crave more than what’s considered “normal,” that’s not a flaw. That’s a clue. Trying to force ourselves into systems that weren’t built with us in mind? It’s draining. And maybe — just maybe — the answer isn’t to try harder.

Maybe the answer is to stop trying to fit at all.

From Low-Key Wellness to Owning Your Way

For a long time, I thought taking care of myself meant being “low maintenance.” Quietly dealing with stress, getting by on just enough rest, doing all the “right” things without making a big deal about it.

But the older I get, the more I’ve realized: true wellness doesn’t need to be hidden. And shrinking your needs to make others comfortable? That’s not sustainable — it’s self-abandonment.

You don’t need to go full spotlight mode, but you do get to stop pretending you’re fine when you’re not. You get to speak up. You get to want more — and go get it.

Because playing small doesn’t keep you safe. It keeps you stuck.

Healthy Deviance Is a Real Thing

Here’s something I’ve been sitting with: being healthy in today’s world might actually require a little rebellion. Not in a loud, chaotic way, but in a quiet, consistent refusal to accept burnout, perfectionism and self-neglect as normal.

There’s a term for this: healthy deviance. It’s inspired noncompliance. Choosing what truly serves you, even if it goes against what’s expected.

It looks like:

• Sleeping in instead of pushing through a 5am workout when your body’s asking for rest.

• Taking an actual lunch break.

• Eating in a way that honors your energy — not just your macros.

• Stepping away from hustle culture in favor of living with intention and presence.

This isn’t about being difficult. It’s about being discerning. It’s about choosing what works — not just what’s common.

You’re Not Behind — You’re Ahead

If fitting in has never really worked for you, that’s not a personal failure. That might be the very sign you’re meant to live differently. To create something new.

And the thing is, when you start doing that — when you start choosing yourself, your values, your rhythm — other people notice. Not in a performative, influencer-y way. Just in a “wait…we’re allowed to do that?” kind of way.

This isn’t rebellion for the sake of it. This is about finally giving yourself permission to stop performing and start choosing.

So if you’ve been hanging out on the edge, questioning it all — welcome.
You’re not lost. You’re leading.
And you’re definitely not alone.