Redefining Success: Beyond Kids, Careers and Conventional Milestones

“Do you have kids?”

It’s a question asked so routinely that we barely register it as anything more than polite conversation. But for many women, including myself, it’s more loaded than it seems.

I’m in my 40s. I’m married. I don’t have children, unless you count my dog, which, to be clear, most people don’t. It’s remarkable how quickly the energy shifts once I answer “no.” The questions dry up, the momentum falters. As if we’ve collectively forgotten how to engage beyond the shared script of parenting.

It’s a subtle but telling moment, one I’ve experienced more times than I can count. Not because anyone is trying to be dismissive, but because we’ve collectively internalized a narrow script for what a woman’s life is supposed to look like. And when that script goes off-course, we struggle to connect.

This isn’t about resentment or reverse judgment. It’s about expanding the framework. Because here’s the truth: there is more than one way to live a successful life. And not one of those ways is inherently more worthy of celebration than another.

The Celebration Gap

There’s an Instagram post from Female Invest that stopped me in my tracks. It read:

“Engagement. Marriage. Pregnancy. New baby. All wonderful things to celebrate. But they are not the only things. Don’t forget to celebrate your friend who went back to school. Started her own business. Left a dead-end job. Left a toxic relationship. Adopted a rescue dog. Ran a marathon. Healed from trauma. Bought her own home. Is making a better life for herself.”

I read it and immediately thought: This is it. This is what we’re not saying enough.

We’ve created rituals for certain milestones, wedding showers, baby announcements, registries full of affirmation. But for the woman who earns a kick ass promotion at work? The one who buys a house on her own at 39? Or the one who’s quietly building a business.

Silence.

When success is narrowly defined, it becomes harder and harder to see yourself in it. It’s not that those traditional milestones aren’t beautiful, they absolutely are. But they are not the only markers of a life well lived.

The Identity Underneath

Let me offer a challenge, one I’ve been challenging myself to uncover, and one I invite you to consider.

If you had to introduce yourself, but couldn’t mention your job, your relationship status or whether or not you have children…who are you?

This question isn’t meant to diminish any of those roles. They shape us, deeply. But they don’t define us entirely. Before you were someone’s partner, parent or the CEO of your company, you were a person. A full-spectrum, complicated, ambitious, curious human being.

We forget that sometimes. And when we forget it in ourselves, we forget it in others, too.

Cheering Louder, Wider

At Coacha Vida, I work with ambitious women who are ready to redefine what thriving means on their own terms. Some are mothers. Some aren’t. Some are married. Others are building full, expansive lives solo. The common thread is this: they’re all seeking a life of depth, alignment and purpose.

That pursuit deserves to be seen.

Imagine what would shift if we started making space for all forms of becoming. If we celebrated the friend who finished her masters with the same enthusiasm as we do a baby shower. If we championed the woman who’s working a full time job while going back to school to create a better future for herself, or the one who finally started painting again after years of survival mode.

That’s real success, too. Quiet, brave, unglamorous sometimes, but deeply worthy of being witnessed.

If you’re in a season of life where your path feels quieter, less obvious, or simply different, that doesn’t mean you’ve missed the mark.

It might mean you’re finally choosing alignment over approval. Depth over performance.

There’s no universal blueprint for fulfillment, and that’s the beauty of it. Your life doesn't need to look like anyone else's to be rich, meaningful or successful.

And if no one’s told you lately, what you’re building, how you’re becoming, it matters.

So let’s expand the conversation. Let’s normalize celebrating the woman who’s doing things differently. Let’s honor the quiet wins, the bold pivots, the intentional pauses. Let’s cheer for the wholeness that exists even when it doesn’t follow the script.

Success isn't one destination. It’s the feeling of being deeply rooted in a life you chose on purpose.

And that? That’s worth celebrating, loudly.